I Attract Weirdness

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times: I attract the strangest people and situations. I have two experiences to share today.

EXPERIENCE #1:
Two nights ago I was in a deep sleep when I was awoken by a horrible sound coming from the street outside my house. Fthump... Fthump... Fthump. Over and over again. Well the sound just got louder and louder. I pulled myself up and gazed out the window to find the origin of the noise. I saw a red car coming ever-so-slowly down the street with its hazard lights a-flashing. Fthump... Fthump went the car. As it neared my house and I could get a full look at the car, I noticed that all the tires on the vehicle were flat. Yet, the driver was insistent on driving the car to some unknown 3:00 a.m. appointment. I wanted to run out in the street and tell the driver that he was going to ruin his tires if he continued driving on them flat. I worried that at any moment the car may explode, for some reason. But I was too tired to worry much more about it. I listened to the Fthump Fthump disappear into the distance as I drifted back to sleep.

Experience #2:
Last night I went to WalMart to pick up a few necessary items. I hurried into the express checkout lane (which was not so "express"), cutting off another man who was also hurrying to the express lane. I stood there with my arms full of items, waiting my turn.

Suddenly I heard behind me, "So what high school did ya go to?" I didn't hear an answer, so I turned my head ever-so-slightly to see who had spoken. It was the man behind me, and he was directing his question at me. I turned and looked at him and noticed his splotchy face and brown teeth. I said, "Umm... Sky View," and turned around again. There was only one person in front of me before it was my turn to pay for my items.

"What's your name again?" he asked. I turned a little and said, "Jon." He said, "I'm Tom." (Names have been changed to protect the insane.) "Nice to meet you," he said, offering me a filthy hand. I instinctively crossed my arms across my chest. (The conveyor belt counter was now available for my items.) "Nice to meet you, too." I said confused.

"So you still running?" he asked. Wondering why we were engaging in such an absurd conversation, I decided to give in and fain interest and involvement in his delusions. "Nope, not anymore," I said. What would it hurt to pretend that I knew this man? Afterall, the customer in front of me was nearly done checking out... or was he?

"So whatcha doing after this? Just going to go home and spend time with your family?" he asked.

"Just going to go home and relax before bed," I answered. "And you?" I noticed three movies in his hands. "You just going to go watch your movies?"

"Yeah," he said. (Long pause as I looked to see what was taking the person in front of me so long to enter his PIN on the credit card machine.)

"I went to Cyprus High School," he informed me. "But then I got kicked out and had to go to a juvenile detention center."

"Oh! That's cool," I said. What else was I supposed to say?

FINALLY! It was my turn to check out. I quickly swiped my card, entered my PIN, and gathered up my bags.

"It was good to see you again, Joe," said Tom, waving awkwardly.

"Good to see you, too!" I said.